


Coming Clean

by Obsessive_mishamigo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Detox, Drug lords, First Times, Hint of Sabriel, M/M, Minor Character Death, Smut, and some more smut, dean cas mini bang 2018, i will update these soon, sorry for lack of tags, withdrawl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 10:52:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15604707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsessive_mishamigo/pseuds/Obsessive_mishamigo
Summary: Everything changed when Castiel let Charlie convince him to have some fun for once. He found himself letting loose and doing things his former self would never dream of doing. That’s when he met Dean and let himself be pulled further into the dangers of the drug world.~Fic art by Sternchencas





	1. Chapter 1

The pamphlets were spread out across the table so that none were touching each other. How the hell was he supposed to choose what he wanted to do for the rest of his life? Castiel contemplated each pamphlet, carefully looking over every detail. He would turn eighteen soon and was expected to make a permanent decision about his future. He muttered to himself that no one should have to make a decision this complex at such a young age. Midnight struck, and he was now legally an adult. He shook his head and narrowed his options down to a few pamphlets. 

He reflected on the most recent year as his phone reflected the time, telling him he was another year older. His face fell into a scowl. He tossed the pamphlets to the floor in a frustrated groan. 

“Pick that shit up,” his older brother Lucifer demanded. 

Castiel cast his eyes down on the papers that now littered the wooden floor. He glanced back up at Lucifer who threatened him with the back of his hand. “Do it,” Lucifer commanded. 

Cas slipped out of his chair and slowly began to collect the papers. He put them in no particular order. His brother watched him and Castiel glanced up at his brother. “Why do I have to decide?”

“Mother said so. Father will be disappointed if you do not. They expect you to follow Michael’s example.” Lucifer leaned against the door frame. 

“You didn't have to,” Cas muttered under his breath thinking Lucifer wouldn't be able to hear him.

“I was presented with the same options,” he said, eyeing the stack of pamphlets. “They chose the colleges.”

Cas nodded. “Why didn't you choose?”

Lucifer shrugged. “I chose to stay local. It wasn't one they approved of, but I managed to convince them to let me go.”

Cas thought for a moment, but his thoughts were interrupted by Lucifer. “You have to choose.” He glared at the younger sibling. 

“Why?” Cas wanted to be defiant but feared the consequences. Lucifer darkened his glare. Cas nodded. “After all this time?”

“You will leave,” he said in a threatening way. 

Cas picked up a pamphlet. “Here, tell them this one. It's furthest away and you won't have to see me ever again.” He tried to hide the pain in his voice. Despite how awful Lucifer was to him, he was still family. That was supposed to mean something, right?

**********

Three years of hard studying passed. He took every class too seriously. Charlie was the only friend he’d made in three years. 

“Dude, you're going to kill yourself if you keep studying this hard!” Charlie exclaimed.

Cas stared at his books. “No, that won't be the reason I die, Charlie,” he said dully, turning another page. 

“Damn, Cas, that was dark, even for you.” She stole the book from him. “Nope, you're done for today. It's winter break, Cas. We don't have classes for three whole weeks. You need to learn to chill.” She held the book above his head. She wasn't taller than him, but she had longer arms. 

He reached for the book and jumped up barely snagging the corner of his book. “I need to study, Charlie,” he growled. 

She grinned as he struggled to reach the book. “You need a break.” She gave him a serious look. “You're not going home again.”

“You know I can't,” he let his gaze fall and clutched his book to his chest. 

She put a hand on his arm. “He still hates you?” Cas nodded. “I'm not going anywhere, brother.”

“Don't. Don't call me that,” he said shakily. 

Charlie was his best and only friend. She was the only friend he’d ever had, but even then she still didn't know much about his past. He got shaky and couldn't breathe right any time he had tried to talk about it. 

“Cas,” she held both of his arms. “You know you're family to me. So what if your real family are shit bags? They're the ones missing out on how great you are!” 

He pulled away from her grip. “They don't think that.”

“Then they're morons.” Charlie had always been bright and supportive. “Look, why don't you come with me tonight? I'm meeting a friend of mine. If he can't show you a good time, I don't know who can.”

Cas reluctantly agreed. Charlie was only trying to help him. She knew this time of year was hard on him. “Just because I'm going to pick up women doesn't mean you have to,” Charlie kept talking. She studied his face. “Oh my god. Are you thinking about getting laid?”

Cas shrugged. “You know my lack of experience is embarrassing.” Cas was a virgin. Having had no friends before Charlie meant he also couldn't get dates. “I didn't exactly have anyone fawning over me in high school like you did.”

“I'm sorry girls like cute chicks?” she jokingly apologized. “Don't worry, Cas. It's just sex. One night stands are great for practice.” 

Cas blushed. “Don't advertise my inexperience,” he mumbled. “Who is this person we’re meeting?”

“His name is Gabe,” she said elusively. “Wear your tight jeans. Girls love that.” She paused. “Unless you're into men, then still go with the tight jeans. The dark color looks good on you.” 

Charlie left Cas alone for a few hours before they were supposed to meet up with Gabe. Cas was nervous. He never went anywhere really except for school. His family continued to fund everything he needed as long as he kept his grades up. Cas was certain that one night out could ruin this arrangement. 

Before he realized it, Charlie was dragging him out the door by his wrist. He protested all the way to her car. “Come on, Cas! It'll be fun! Look, I promise not to pick anyone up unless I see you're having a good time too.”

He buried his head in his hands trying to hide how uncomfortable he was. It wasn't that he didn't want to be social. He just hated that bad things came with it every time he was.


	2. Chapter 2

“Gabe!” Charlie hugged a guy who wasn't much older than Cas. 

“Fresh meat? Charlie, baby, you didn't have to. He is for me, right?” Gabe gave Cas a wandering look. “He's cute.”

“No, no, Gabe, this is Cas. I told you I was bringing him. Cas, Gabe.” She turned her attention back to Gabe. “You find any babes for me?” He nodded and nosed in the direction of the bar. She squealed and hugged him again, leaving Cas alone with Gabe as she made a beeline for the drunk girls at the bar.

Gabe eyed Cas again. “She told me you need to relax and have a good time.”

Cas shrugged. He leaned against the wall trying to look as comfortable as he could in the situation. 

Gabe stared at him. “You don't get out much, do you?” Cas shook his head. “Come with me.” Cas didn't move. “You can trust me, Cas.”

“It's not a good idea,” Cas said. He didn't care that Charlie trusted this man. He trusted Charlie, but he never trusted himself. 

Gabe took his hand. “You're with me. No one touches you,” he said firmly. “If you change your mind, let me know.” 

Cas nodded and allowed himself to be dragged up a set of stairs in the bar. Smoke permeated the room and hung heavily in the air. Cas thought it smelled strange. Gabe left him by the door and spoke to someone on the other side of the room. Cas kept his eyes focused on the floor in front of his feet. 

Gabe returned a moment later with something in his hand. “Try it,” he said as he handed Cas a blunt. 

Cas took it in his fingers and sucked on it lightly. He choked at first and tried again. Gabe took it back from him telling him to slow down. His words seemed to slow and his head felt light and airy. 

Gabe laughed. “Dude, you've never smoked before?” Cas shook his head and began to laugh. He couldn't stop. “Char is gonna hate she's missing this.”

Cas and Gabe took turns breathing in the fumes and puffing out clouds of smoke. They added to the putrid aroma of the room. Gabe decided this was all Cas needed this time. He was a virgin to drugs and Gabe knew it would linger. 

Cas looked around the room with wide eyes. Everything looked larger than it really was. For the first time in his life, he let his worries and fears go. 

Gabe took him back down the stairs and made sure he didn't fall. He didn't see Charlie anywhere. “Lucky bitch, how is it she always gets laid?” This made Cas giggle. “We gotta get you out of here, Giggles.” Cas chuckled again. 

He followed Gabe to his car and hesitated. Gabe said, “You waiting for me to open the door, Princess?”

Cas shook his head, but he shook a little too hard and his whole upper body shook. “Just not a good idea.” He stared at the car hard as if it would move on its own. 

Gabe stood in front of him. “Cas, that's the second time you've said that. What's going on?”

“People around me get hurt,” he mumbled. His words sounded distant to himself. 

“Not Charlie,” Gabe nudged. “You don't have many friends.” It wasn't a question.   
“Only Charlie.” Cas couldn't keep the words inside him. “She's the bestest, the best s-sister,” he stumbled over what he was trying to say. 

Gabe helped him in the car. “Do you know where you live?” he asked him slowly.

Cas thought hard for a moment then shook his head. “I do, but I forgot.” Cas sighed. “I live with Charlie!”

Gabe shook his head and tried to hide a smile. “We’ll go to my place. You can chill there while you come down.” Gabe wasn't high. He’d had a few hits but nothing close to what he normally did. 

Cas stared around him. The place was foreign to him. “Gabe?” Gabe acknowledged him. “Where are we?” 

Gabe smirked and gave a small laugh. “This is my place, Cas. Are you sober yet?” 

Cas glanced around. He stared at his feet. “I-I think so.” He frowned. “I did drugs,” he said quietly. He sounded ashamed of himself. 

“Do you remember the car ride over here?” Gabe asked. He was laser focused on Cas who grew more uncomfortable by the second. 

“N-no,” he replied in a small voice. 

“You talked a lot.” Gabe watched him carefully. Cas fidgeted with his shirt and shifted his feet. “You really don't have friends.”

Cas blushed. “No, just Charlie.” He averted his eyes. “S-sorry about that.”

“Why are you so nervous?” Gabe asked. “Does it have anything to do with how your family treats you?”

Cas froze. Gabe was looking at him with concern in his amber eyes. Cas couldn't speak. 

“Any friend Charlie is willing to vouch for is safe in my book,” Gabe said. “She told me you were going through a tough time.” 

Cas stared at the floor. “She had no right to tell you anything.” He felt hurt. He crossed his arms over his chest as if to protect himself. “I'm fine.”

“Yeah? So why do you study so hard all the time? Why does she worry about you?” Gabe was pushing his buttons. 

Cas was fighting his anger. “It doesn't matter.” He said through clenched teeth.

“You're hiding, not just from her, but from yourself.” Gabe leaned back on the couch he was sitting on. “Would you like to know what you told me on the way over from the bar?”

Cas didn't respond. He wanted to leave but he hadn't driven. He’d been stoned. He had no idea where he was. 

“You said people around you get hurt. When I asked why you thought that, you told me it was because you were hurting people before you were born.” Cas glared at him. “Cas, you let all of your worries go tonight. How does that feel?”

Cas thought about his words. “What else did I say?”

Gabe shrugged. “It was strange. I figured you were just mixing things up since you were high, but now I can see it was honestly you.” Gabe looked at him. “You said this was the best you've ever felt.”

Cas dropped his gaze. He knew this was true. He was still reeling a little, but he had all his faculties back. “I should go.” He stood. 

“Yeah? How do you plan on getting back home? I drove you from the bar and Charlie drove you to the bar. She's busy fucking some chick,” he rolled his eyes. “You can stay here tonight.”

Cas looked uncomfortable again. “I really should go. I’ll get a cab or something. I need to study.”

Gabe stood between Cas and the door. “Yeah, I have orders from Char to get you to stay here. She thinks I'm fucking you.”

Cas’s eyes went wide, and he stumbled backward. “W-why would she think that?” he stammered. His breathing was erratic. 

Gabe didn't move. He knew Cas was terrified. “She brought you along to hook you up with me. You're cute, but you're not my type.” 

Cas whispered to himself, “That's what she meant by good time.”

Gabe heard him and smirked. “Well, she wasn't wrong. You had a good time, right? Getting high was fun?”

Cas nodded slowly. “Never did that before.”

Gabe stepped closer. “Guest room is over there.” He pointed to another room. “I'm going to guess that she doesn't know you blame yourself for your sister’s death. Don't worry. Your secrets are safe with me. Looks like I'm friend number two.” He winked as he danced around a motionless Cas to go to his own room.

Cas stumbled into the guest room and fell onto the bed. Gabe's words rang in his ears. He knew. He knew about his sister. Cas had never told anyone about her, not that there was anyone ever besides Charlie.   
He wasn't sure how long he laid there staring at the ceiling. He reminded himself he needed to study and got comfortable enough to sleep. 

Dreams pervaded his sleep. They were ugly and distorted versions of reality. Cas whimpered and tossed in the bed. He woke up sweating and felt tears on his face. He wanted to forget again. He wanted to remove his worries. He saw that it was daylight and swore.

Gabe was up and making pancakes for breakfast. “Here you go.” He handed Cas a plate of pancakes as he walked in the door. “You okay? You don't look like you slept.”

Cas sat the plate down and sank into a chair behind the food. “I want to forget again,” he said quietly. 

Gabe turned to him when he finished cooking the last two pancakes. “What do you mean?”

Cas focused his eyes on the food in front of him. He looked up to Gabe. “Help me forget.” He left off words. My past, my pain. 

“Cas, are you sure this is what you want?” Gabe asked as he drenched his pancakes in syrup. 

“Make me forget,” he said more firmly. His haunted eyes were heavy and it was a burden just to keep them open. 

Gabe nodded. “After breakfast. You need food first or Charlie will kill me. She insisted.”

Cas became annoyed that Charlie and Gabe were so close yet he had only heard about Gabe the day before. “How do you know Charlie?”

Gabe shrugged. “What did she say?”

“I've lived with her for two years, and she only mentioned you yesterday.” Cas tried to eat his food but only managed to push it around on his plate. 

Gabe carefully put his fork down. “She's been trying to keep you out of it. I see.” He seemed to speak to himself. “What changed? She wouldn't bring you to me if she was trying to keep you out.”

“Out of what?” he was curious. 

“The drug world,” Gabe replied quietly. “I know her because she works for me.”

Cas dropped his fork and nearly spilled his drink. “What?”

“That room we were in last night? I run it and quite a number more in town and some down in the next town over. I control all the drugs that flow through Harvard,” he spoke easily. 

Cas took deep breaths. “Why?”

Gabe sat back in his chair. “Why what?”

“Why does she work for you? Why did she tell you about me? Why did you just tell me all of that?” he was freaking out. 

Gabe watched him freak out. He was slowly losing his shit, and Gabe found it hilarious. “You're gullible.”

Cas took deep breaths and tried not to get angry. Gabe spoke again. “I do run that bar and the drugs inside it. Charlie does work for me but only as an intel person.”

“So why let me smoke for free?” Cas was confused. 

“Free pass. You can test it for free, but next time you buy.” Gabe looked like he was ready to light up again. “That rule even goes for me because if not, I'll blow all my profitable goods on myself.”

“Is that why you spoke to someone first?” Cas remembered the hazy room. 

“Yeah, Balthazar keeps me in check,” he gave a crooked grin. “You're definitely his type. Are you into men?”

Cas blushed deeply. He wasn't actually sure. He'd never given it much thought and never really had time for it either. 

Gabe was still staring at him. He slammed his hands on the table startling Cas. “Holy shit. You're a virgin, like for real. How the hell did you make it to college without having sex?”

Cas stared at the floor. “I didn't have any friends.”

“So? One night stands! Fuck buddies, friends with benefits?” Cas shook his head. “Wow. Nothing and you're...twenty-one?” 

“Yeah,” Cas felt exposed. “Can we not talk about this?” 

Gabe was still reeling. He noticed Cas avoiding eye contact and his behavior changed. He became more timid and nervous. “Cas, forgetting won't make whatever it is less painful. It only works as a temporary thing.”

“Just make it go away, please?” he begged. The pain was evident in his voice.


	3. Chapter 3

Cas got an angry voicemail from Lucifer several weeks later. He had ignored the call on purpose. Lucifer sent several angry texts. It was when Michael called that Cas couldn't ignore him. 

“You've been spending quite a bit of money lately, Castiel,” his oldest brother began. “Are you using this for your education?”

“Yeah,” he lied. “Why did you call?”

“Lucifer thinks something is going on. You're keeping your grades up, right?” Michael pressed. 

“Yeah, you're actually interrupting my study time,” Cas continued lying to his brother. “Are we done? Can I study?” he asked impatiently. 

“Call Lucifer and let him know too.” Cas opened his mouth to argue, but Michael knew better. “Don't do that. You know mother gave him control of the assets. I have no idea why she would have done that.”

“Me either,” Cas lied again. He knew why Lucifer had control of the family money and Michael did not. Michael hung up. Cas returned Lucifer’s call. 

“What the hell? I called you three days ago!” His brother screamed into the phone. 

“Yeah, well, I've been studying. I've had classes you know,” he tried the lie on his brother who must have invented the poker face. 

“Bullshit!” he called it. “I don't care what you've been doing, but whatever it is better not land your ass back here,” he growled. 

“Fuck you, Lucifer.” Cas hung up. 

Charlie was staring at him with wide eyes. “He's gonna be pissed,” she whispered. 

“Let him be. He fucked up enough of my life. Fuck him,” Cas growled. “Is it my turn yet?”

He stared at the white powder cut into small lines on the table in front of them. Gabe had come over. “Yeah, fresh just for you, buddy,” Gabe grinned. 

Charlie shot Gabe a look. Gabe shrugged. Cas closed one side of his nose and sucked the lines up through the other nostril. He sat up and leaned back on the couch. 

“Cas, maybe you should slow down,” Charlie said cautiously. “What if he calls again?”

Cas shrugged. “I don't give a fuck if he calls again. He can go jump off a cliff. No, Charlie, I do mean it. I don't care if he dies.”

Gabe stared at his friend. He knew he was high, but this was a new side of him. “That's all I brought with me today.”

“You're a shitty liar, Gabe. How do you ever get away with it?” Cas nodded towards Gabe’s bag. “What else you got?” he smirked. 

Charlie groaned. “I'm not watching this. Cas, please don't do anymore. You're high. Isn't that the point?”

Cas looked at her with bleary eyes. “No, the point is to forget. Can't have fun if I don't forget.”

“Forget what?!” She shouted. “That's all you ever say! I'm worried about you! Dammit, Gabe, I never should have brought him to you. He hasn't gone to classes in two months!”

“Hey, I'm a dealer remember. I don't say no when they have money, honey.” Gabe glared at her. He looked back to Cas who was tripping. “Besides, he's so much fun. When he comes down from the coke, I've got some LSD he can try.” He grinned savagely. 

Charlie frowned. “Get out.” 

“No,” Gabe defied her. 

“Gabriel, get the fuck out and let me take care of my roommate!” She grabbed her steel bat which was nearby. She kept it in case of intruders. “Get the hell out!”

Gabe stared at her blankly. “You’d really quit your job with me for this? He's not even hooked yet.” 

She lowered her weapon. “Just go,” she said quietly and calmly. He walked towards the door and right before he reached it, she said, “He is hooked. You just don't want to admit you destroyed your best friend.”

Gabe shut the door with a loud bang that startled Cas who was high as a kite. “Where’s Gabe?”

“He went home, sweetie,” she said kneeling in front of him slowly. 

It was the end of the spring semester, and Cas had been hanging out with Gabe every single day since that first night. At first, Gabe only let him get high on weekends. Then sex and booze worked their way into the equation. Cas would fuck whoever Gabe brought him but he preferred guys. If Cas became horny because of the drugs and no one was around except Gabe, he’d talk him into having sex. Cas let all of his inhibitions go when he was stoned or drunk or both. He absolutely hated being sober. 

Four months. Four months was all it took for Cas to realize he never cared about college. He never wanted to be a lawyer. That was only what his family wanted for him. He didn't care what happened to him.


	4. Chapter 4

“Cas? You dead?” Gabe prodded him in the head. “Cas, I lost the pot.”

Cas shot up. “What?”

Gabe shook his head. “You're so predictable. What did you take?”

“What did you leave me?” Cas asked. Gabe listed a few drugs. “That. I took that.” 

Gabriel dropped his jaw. “Cas, you could die. That is too much.” 

“You're the worst when you're sober. Here, have some fun,” he smiled as he handed a pill to Gabe. 

Gabe took the pill from his hand and pretended to take it. “Cas, why did Charlie leave?” Gabe sat beside him.

Cas lolled his head in his direction. “Dude, there's three of you. Awesome.” 

Gabe repeated his question. “Cas, why did Charlie leave?”

“She’ll come back,” he muttered. “Didn't tell me why she left.” He looked around. “Where's Charlie?”

Gabe held his head in his hands. “You forgot. She died.” 

“H-how?” Cas began to panic.

Gabe touched his arm. “Trying to save you. You were stupid high, and she was coming to pick you up. It doesn't matter. She's not coming back.” He looked Cas solemnly. “You tried to warn me, that night she brought you to me.” Gabe stood. “Come on. I want to go out.”

Cas eagerly followed him thinking this meant more drugs or alcohol. Gabe took Cas to his bar. “Why are we here?”

“Please, the cops didn't find anything when they tried to bust us,” Gabe smirked. “I'm too good.” He winked at Cas. 

Cas bumped into someone at that exact moment. He turned to face the person. He was struck by how beautiful the man was. “Uh.” Cas lost his words. 

“Sorry is usually what people say,” he responded. He narrowed his green eyes which Cas thought looked like emeralds. “Are you high?” Cas didn't feel himself nod. The man with a strong jawline frowned. “That's what I thought.” He walked away.

Cas wanted to follow him, but his feet stuck hard to the floor. “Gabe, who was that?”

“No, Cas,” Gabe said firmly. “That is someone you don't mess with. He's dangerous.”

Cas let half his mouth turn upwards. “I like danger.” He turned to walk to the guy, but Gabe grabbed his shoulder.

He looked at his friend. “You have a death wish, don't you, Cas?” Gabe looked sad not that it mattered to Cas. 

“It wouldn't matter if I died. So I'm going to enjoy what I can and who I can while I'm here,” he replied. 

Gabe's eyes widened. He dropped his hand from his friend's shoulder. He could see the man his friend wanted to speak to and beat him over to him. He whispered quietly to him. 

Cas searched for the green eyed beauty. He wanted to smile again. He knew this man would make him smile. Before he found him, he realized he was face to face with him. 

“Looking for someone?” he asked. 

Cas nodded. “You.”

A hint of smile danced on his lips. “You don't know who I am, do you?”

Cas shook his head. He decided this wasn't such a great idea. He realized he was starting to come down from his high. “It doesn't matter. It was stupid.” He turned away.

His shoulder was grabbed before he could walk away. “Why?”

“Why what?” Cas replied. 

“Why look for me then bail?” he replied. “That doesn't make sense.”

Cas smirked. “No, it doesn't. But I need to go.”

He kept his hand firmly on Cas’s shoulder. “You're scared but not of me.”

Cas turned back quickly nearly falling in the process. “You don't know me.” He thought he sounded dark and menacing but the green-eyed man didn't even blink. 

“No, I don't. You obviously don't know who I am which is kind of refreshing.” A small smile played on his lips. 

Cas focused on the lips. He thought they were perfectly shaped and wanted to know if they were as soft as they looked. Cas took a step forward. “Why do you want to leave?” the man asked him. 

Cas didn't answer the question. Instead, he leaned in and kissed the man. The man kissed him back. Warmth spread throughout him, and a fire, a thirst, a hunger, a need sprang up quickly in Cas. Cas leaned into his stranger. 

The man pulled back with a questioning look on his face. “I'm staying nearby.” Cas nodded and followed him to his car. 

Cas was a little too high still to realize that the car was a sleek looking classic ride. He didn't notice the sound of the engine as it roared to life. He was coming down from his high on drugs, and he knew sex lengthened his high. He was eager for that feeling again. 

“Text Gabe and let him know you went with me,” his stranger told him. “He needs to know where you are.”

“It's not his business.” Cas crossed his arms and pressed himself against the seat. “He's not my keeper.”

“You should still tell him. Add that you came with me willingly.” His stranger glanced at his confused face. “It's important to say that.”

Cas slowly texted trying to spell things correctly. He sent the message as he was told. He looked back at the stranger. Part of him wanted to know this gorgeous man’s name, but the rest of him knew that was an attachment. Attachments were not part of a one night stand. 

He drove to a cheap looking motel and gave a smirk in response to the look of dismay on Cas’s face. “What? It does the job.”

“What job? Playing home to hookers?” he jested. He knew he didn't have but maybe another half hour before he started to come down hard enough that he called it sober. He didn't want that to end, and Gabe had refused to give him anymore drugs. “Or wait, is this one like ‘Psycho’ where all the guests get murdered by the crazy dude?” He chuckled. 

“Dude, that was dark,” the man said in surprise. “It's just a motel, man.” 

“Boo, you're no fun.” Cas looked at him and found his gaze locked in with green eyes. “Prove me wrong,” he breathed. 

“Why do you get high?” he asked. 

Cas leaned across the car. “Why does that matter?” he asked in a low voice. 

“Will you tell me anything about you?” he asked. 

“How about I show you?” Cas leaned in further and connected his lips to the other man’s. He pulled back to get out of the car. 

His stranger followed him then began to lead the way. His room was at the end of the hallway on the backside of the motel. Inside the room, the stranger pressed Cas against the wall. “Do I get to know your name?” he whispered against his neck. 

Cas shivered. That wasn't expected. He didn't want to give his name. He shook his head slightly. “Then what shall I call out if you're good?” the man whispered in his ear.   
His heart was racing with fear and excitement. Something about this man drove him crazy inside and he needed more of it. He kissed his neck and jaw. He nibbled at his ear. Cas shivered at his touch and wanted more. The man kissed him and his tongue explored him. Cas reciprocated eagerly and hungrily. 

The man took his time teasing Cas with foreplay as long as he could. Cas felt his pants tighten around him. He moaned. “Cas,” he breathed as the man continued to kiss him. “My name is Castiel.” 

The green-eyed man stopped and smiled. “That wasn't so hard, was it, Cas?” His name on his lips made Cas fully hard. He didn't understand why this man was having such an effect on him. 

“What's...mmm...what's your name?” Cas managed to ask as he tried to bite back a moan. 

His stranger eyed him. “No, if anyone finds out you fucked me, it could be trouble for you. The less you know, the better.”

“Why protect a one night stand?” Cas asked. “What does it matter?”

“Human lives matter, Cas,” he whispered in his ear as he nibbled the fleshy part. “I'm a danger to you.”

Cas let him continue to kiss every inch of his neck and jaw. He finally moved his hands and explored the man’s back. He slipped under the shirt and began tugging it up and over his head. 

He saw scars decorated his chest. “Believe me now, Cas?”

Cas shook his head. “That's a gunshot scar.” He touched each scar as he spoke. “This is a cigarette. These are from a belt. This one,” he breathed in deeply. “This one is from a broken bottle, but it's the oldest one you have next to this one. This one is something I don't recognize.”

The man stiffened. “How did you know all that?”

Cas removed his own shirt. “I know what abuse looks like.” He averted his eyes. He shook his head. “I should go. This is...I should go.” He felt his pants relax. 

“Dean,” the man said. Cas looked at him. “My name is Dean. You're the only one who hasn't believed the rumors.”

Cas shrugged. “Can't believe something I don't know.”

Dean studied his chest. “What happened?” 

“It doesn't matter.” Cas shut down. He was still somewhat high so he was fighting the urge to be honest. He lost. “My brother. Highschool. Shit.”

Dean leaned into him again. “I won't hurt you,” he whispered. Cas didn't relax. “That's why you do drugs,” he realized. 

“I’d like to leave,” Cas tried. His heart raced.   
Dean locked lips with him again. “No, you don't want to, not really.” 

Cas grabbed him and pulled him as tightly to himself as he could. Dean bit his shoulder hard enough to leave a mark. Cas moaned and dug his fingers into his bare back. He tangled his fingers in Dean's hair and kissed him. Cas wasn't usually one for foreplay, but this made what was left of his high last a little longer. 

He could taste the hint of whiskey on Dean's mouth and wondered what the rest of him tasted like. He slipped his hands down and stretched the band on the other’s jeans as much as he could. Dean reached back and cupped Cas’s ass earning a loud moan. 

Cas rolled his hips forward and collided with Dean, unfastening the belt at Dean's hips. Dean brought Cas in for another long tongue involved kiss by holding tightly to the back of his neck. 

Cas undid his own pants and let them fall to his ankles. He did Dean's next. Dean stepped backwards out of his pants, careful not to trip. Cas stumbled out of his, but Dean was strong and kept him standing. He swung them around and Cas landed on his back. 

“Dean,” Cas whispered. Dean leaned lower covering him with his lean body. “I'm not used to this.”

“Sex or bottoming?” Dean nodded. “Bottoming. You initiate too well not to be used to sex.” Cas nodded. “I’ll take care of you. Let me know if it hurts.” Cas nodded again. It was all he could do besides stare at the gorgeous creature above him. 

Dean kissed him gently this time. He stopped for a moment to dig around in the nightstand beside the bed. Cas clearly saw condoms and lube. 

Dean returned to kissing him. He kissed the scars on Cas. He inched his way down to damp boxers. He took the fabric in his teeth and tugged them down. Cas felt himself twitch at the sight of this animal. He needed this beast. His boxers were removed in the sexiest way he could imagine. 

Dean looked up at him before he licked slowly up the shaft. Cas moaned. He did it again and twirled his tongue around the tip. “Oh, fuck,” Cas moaned as he felt lips tighten around his cock. 

He tangled his fingers in Dean's hair as Dean bobbed up and down taking as much of him in as he could. “Oh fuck, Dean,” Cas moaned, his breathing hard.

He gasped and bucked when a slick finger tested his entrance and slipped in. Dean kept sucking him to relax him. A second finger soon went in and Cas groaned. Dean watched him carefully. A third finger loosened him up more and when Dean was satisfied that he wouldn't hurt him he removed the fingers. Cas looked at him with a look that begged him not to stop. Dean teased him with his cock which now had a condom and lube on it. 

He shoved in and Cas rocked back. His eyes rolled to the back of his head. Dean moaned, “Oh, Cas, you're so tight.” Cas decided he liked hearing his name. Dean leaned forward and Cas slid his hands from his hair to his back. “Ready?” Cas nodded. 

Dean rocked his hips back and forth slowly at first. Cas dug his fingers into his back. His mouth hung open and little moans escaped him. Dean quickened his pace when he was sure he wouldn't hurt him. Cas rolled his hips back to meet Dean. “Fuck me,” he moaned. “Fuck me, Dean.” 

Dean moved faster and harder. He kept his eyes on Cas’s face which was contorted in bliss and need. He wrapped his fingers tightly around the exposed cock. Cas arched his back. Dean caught him with his free arm and his hips connected with him harder and deeper. Cas gasped. He felt everything, the intense desire, the passion, the fire, the hunger. He needed to feel one more thing. “Oh, fuck, Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean, fuck, oh, fu…” His words were cut off by Dean's lips as he came inside Cas. Cas came at the same time.

Dean leaned over his lover before removing himself. “Cas,” he whispered breathlessly. “That was great.”

Dean cleaned them up and laid beside Cas who was still trying to catch his breath. “Really? Still?” Dean asked. 

Cas nodded. “That was amazing. I've never done that sober.”

Dean leaned up and looked at him. “Really? You’ve always been high during sex?” 

“Or drunk or both. Usually both,” Cas admitted. “Is it always that incredible?”

Dean smiled. “Drugs dull your senses. Alcohol numbs the nerves. You've basically been having sex while asleep.” 

“Why are you dangerous?” Cas asked. He wanted the attention off himself. 

A flash of fear flickered across the strong man's face. “I'm Gabe's boss. I have more enemies than he does. Forget my name.” He laid back on the mattress.


	5. Chapter 5

Cas stared at the ceiling. “I can't, Dean.” 

“You will next time you get high.”

“I don't think so,” Cas admitted. “It's why I never ask for names when I fuck.”

Dean rolled onto his side to face him. “You never call names during sex?” He shook his head. “Cas, how much of a first am I for you?” 

“Honestly, I'm not sure,” he said quietly. 

Dean stared at him. “Why do you do it? It doesn't make you feel better, not really. I can see it in your face.”

“Why do you sell?” Cas countered. He looked at Dean. “You want out.”

Dean looked ashamed. “I do. Just need to make sure I have enough clean money to get out.” 

“Why do it to begin with?” he asked. 

Dean sat up. “That's a story for another time.” 

Cas sat up too. He knew there wouldn't be another time. “It does make me feel better for a little while. It makes me forget.”

“I've seen you before.” Dean closed his eyes. “At my sister's funeral.”

Cas was afraid. “Your sister?”

He nodded. “Charlie Bradbury. We changed her last name to protect her. My brother and I decided it was best to leave the life after she died. Sam is already out, but he wasn't as involved as I am.”

Cas stared at his knees. “Why are you telling me this?”

“She told me about you. She begged me to intervene. I should have listened. She died because of me.” Dean stared at the wall ahead of them. “You were her best friend, Cas.”

A tear slid down Castiel's cheek. “I know. She told me she didn't have a family she could go to. She knew I didn't either.”

“You took her in when you didn't have to. You kept her safe.” Dean was tough but he was close to tears. “Thank you.”

Cas shook his head. “No, she died because she was friends with me. It happens a lot.” 

Dean touched his arm. “As far as I'm concerned, you kept her safe from this life. She stayed clean because of you.” 

Cas was confused now. “She worked for Gabe. She introduced me to him.” 

Dean nodded and understood the confusion. “She worked for Gabe, yes, but not on the drug side of business. She kept lesbians coming into his bar and hustled them to buy her drinks. In turn, she got laid.” 

Cas stared at the blanket. “Did I really know her at all?” He felt like his heart was breaking. “She never told me about any of this.” He shook. 

Dean held him. “She loved you more than she loved me and Sam, Cas. She did everything she could to protect you from this life. She called me crying the night she introduced you to Gabe.” 

Cas muttered, “She was busy getting laid.”

“That's the lie she told Gabe. She came over to my place crying and saying she fucked up. Gabe was only supposed to have sex with you.” Dean ran his fingers through Cas’s hair. “She blamed herself for you getting addicted.”

“I told her I wanted this.” Cas sat up. “She knew how much shit I went through. Drugs help.”

“Do you know how she died?” Dean asked quietly. 

Cas recited what he'd been told. “Car accident. Her car caught fire while she was unconscious.” 

Dean looked sad. “Yeah, that's the official story. She was shot while trying to burn down a lab. I know who shot her. He'll get what's coming to him soon,” Dean said darkly. 

“Who did it? Who killed my sister?” His voice shook. Tears rolled freely down his face. 

Dean looked at him. “You don't want that answer. Trust me. I wish I didn't know.”

“Dean, please tell me. She was the only person who ever loved me.” Cas hated him for not telling him. 

“Your family?” he asked. 

“Hates my guts. Despises that I was ever born,” he ground out. 

“Why? How could they hate a baby?” Dean was curious. The idea was foreign to him. 

Cas turned away. “It doesn't matter. I'm back to having no one.”

“Gabe?”

“He's my dealer. Do you really think he's a friend?” Cas said bitterly. “He pretends he is. Sometimes he acts like it.”

“But all he does is get you high?” Dean finished for him. “Cas, you can trust me.”

“No, I can't.” He stood and began searching for his clothes. It hadn't been that long but the adrenaline had left his body, and he was itching for another hit. 

Dean stood and wrapped his arms around his waist. “Stay for a bit?” 

Cas shook his head. “I need to go.”

Dean held tightly and kissed his neck. “I like talking to you. Fucking you was great, but I like talking to you better.” 

“Why?” His voice was cold. 

Dean dropped his hands. “Because you don't care about who I am outside this room. Cas, you don't understand how free this makes me feel.” 

Cas turned to face him. Dean latched onto his hands. “Because outside this room you can't be with a guy? Because outside this room, you're a kingpin? Because outside this room, you can't have feelings? You can't mourn your sister? You can't want out of the game?”

“Outside of this room, you're afraid, depressed, lonely. So you do drugs and have sex with strangers to fill the void. Why? Because Charlie was the only one who loved you and she's gone? Or because you can't stand yourself?” Dean clearly saw through Cas. 

Cas was angry. He ripped his hands away from Dean and shoved him. “You don't know me.” He shoved Dean back onto the bed. 

Dean grabbed his hand and pulled Cas with him. “I do. You're a terrible liar, Castiel. The thing you hate the most right now is how badly you want to stay.” His eyes bored into Cas’s. 

Cas looked angry. “Fuck you, Dean.” He crashed his lips to Dean's. Dean deepened the kiss and slipped his tongue through. He tugged Cas closer to him. The kisses were dizzying. 

Dean rested his forehead against the other’s. “What happened to make you hate life and everything and everyone in it?” he wondered out loud. He searched the now clear and brilliant blue eyes. “Wow,” he breathed. “Your eyes.” 

“They're just eyes.” He glanced away. “I never told her everything. I wish I had.” 

“Tell me.” Cas stared at Dean. “Pretend I'm Charlie.”

Cas raised an eyebrow. “Charlie would never be this close to me or naked.”

Dean smiled slyly. “So trust me. You know my secrets. It's only fair to tell me some of yours.” 

“Why do you want to know so badly?” Cas asked. 

“When Gabe spoke to me at the bar, he told me who you were. I remembered you from her funeral.” Dean's cheeks turned pink. “She told me so much about you that I knew I had to meet you.”

“This isn't a one night stand, is it?” Cas asked. Dean shook his head. “It should be.”

Dean put his hands at the small of his back. “Tell me you didn't feel something and I'll let it go.”

Cas choked on his words. “I-I was high.” He tried to get up. Dean didn't let him. 

“You kissed me at the bar. You could have fucked anyone there because you were high. But you were looking for me,” Dean reminded him. “You felt something. You feel it now.”

Cas groaned. “I hate you.” 

“Liar,” Dean smiled. “I liked you before I met you because of her.”

“My past isn't pretty. It's not as bad as some people have it.” Cas admitted. “But I can never go home.”

“Why not?” Dean let him roll off of him to lay beside him. Cas didn't answer. “Who gave you these scars?”

“You're not going to stop, are you?” 

“I live fast and hard, Cas. People in my line of work don't get to grow old.” 

“Is that why you want out?” he asked.

“Yes, Charlie was barely twenty-five. She was too young. I'm thirty. I'm considered old for this business,” he said.


	6. Chapter 6

Cas and Dean met at the motel almost every night for a week. “Admit it, you can't resist me,” Dean grinned. 

“Cocky motherfucker,” Cas muttered as he grabbed his boxers. “I hate you.”

“Liar,” Dean smiled. “No, don't leave.”

“You know I have to.” Cas tugged on his shirt. “Gabe will get suspicious.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Why not just tell him?”

“That was your idea.” Cas reminded. “Besides, I'm shaking. I need more.”

Dean grabbed Cas. “Please don't. Cas, please.” 

“Dean, we talked about this,” Cas said firmly though his hands were shaking. “I won't have access to my family’s money much longer. Once my brothers find out I'm not enrolling next semester, then they will cut me off. It’s best I buy from your organization.” 

Dean kissed him. “I know. Just don't die.” 

“How much do you need to get out?” he asked entwining their fingers together. “Can we really run away together? It's only been a week.”

“I know, I know. I need more time. The money is slow right now. The cops busted a warehouse I had in New York.” Dean sighed. 

A buzzing phone interrupted them. Cas dug around and found his phone. “Oh, hell no,” he muttered when he saw the name on the screen. He turned to Dean. “I need to go.”

Dean ran his hand through his hair. “Tomorrow?”

“You don't need to keep up appearances?” Cas asked. 

“I should, but I don't care.” He smirked. He tugged on his lover's hips. 

“Dean, I have to go,” Cas almost whined. Dean kissed his neck. “Dean,” he whispered. “I…” Dean kissed his lips. He pulled away. “I have to go.” 

“Tomorrow?” Dean asked again. 

Cas nodded as he finished putting on his clothes. “If you're going to stay in town, maybe get an apartment.” Cas winked. “Part of getting out is getting a place to call home,” he added quietly. 

Dean smiled and watched as Cas walked away. 

Gabe was waiting for him at his apartment. “You're late. You missed pick up last night.”

“Oh, Gabe, I think your feelings are showing. Might want to check that,” Cas sneered as he snagged the bag from his friend's hand. 

“Where were you, man? I texted you and got no response.” Gabe sounded angry. 

“Gabe, chill. I went out.” Cas sat on the couch. 

Gabe glared at Cas. “You buying from someone else?”

“Why would I? Gabe, you're my friend. I would never do you like that.” Cas made lines and snorted them quickly. 

“I was worried about you, Castiel.” Gabe only used his full name when it was serious. “I thought you died.”

Cas sat up straight. “You would know if I did. You're the only emergency contact I have.” He relaxed his muscles before the drugs really hit him. 

“So who is he?” Gabe asked. “Who are you banging?”

Cas decided a lie was the best. “Remember that guy with that awful tribal tat from, what was it, two weeks ago?” 

Gabe smirked. “The one that I fucked?” 

“Yeah, after I blew him,” Cas smirked. “He had a friend and a boyfriend.” He winked. 

“Cute lie. Nice try. You're the worst liar,” Gabe laughed. “Did tattoo have a boyfriend?”

Cas shrugged. “Who the hell cares?”

“Stay away from the bar for a while, Cas,” Gabe was serious again. “That dangerous guy I told you about is still in town. I don't want you getting hurt.”

Cas looked curious. “Why is he dangerous? You never explained.” He could tell the drugs were starting to work. 

Gabe looked uncomfortable and lit a joint. Cas had quickly discovered that Gabe smoked when he was stressed or scared. “He's my boss. He's killed people. I won't let that happen to you.”

“Gabe, I can take care of myself.” 

“No, Cas, you can't!” Gabe stared at his friend with wide eyes. “Charlie is dead. She was following orders and died! I wish she had never brought you to me.”

“Get out, Gabe.” Cas stood to go to his room and swayed. Gabe steadied him. “Don't pretend you like me. You like my money.”

Gabe was shocked. “You really think so little of our friendship?”

“What do you really know about me?” Cas asked. 

“You don't like to share. I'm okay with that, Cas. Some things are best left unsaid. I didn't say anything when you dropped out of college without telling anyone. I didn't say anything when you wanted to get high as fuck the night she died,” Gabe grabbed Cas. “Don't you get it? I care, you idiot! You're my best friend, my brother.”

“Gabe, let go,” he said quietly. “Charlie and you are the only friends I've ever had. Ever.”

“Is that why you constantly push me away?” he lowered his tone. 

“No. But I'm not ready or high enough to tell you why.” Cas decided he needed more.


	7. Chapter 7

“Fuck you!” Cas shouted. He threw his phone. Gabe watched him carefully. 

“Lucifer or Michael?” he asked carefully. 

“Fucking Lucifer,” he growled. “Can't he just leave me the fuck alone?”

“Cas, he's your family,” Gabe said softly. 

“Fuck that!” Cas did something unexpected. He lifted his shirt. “Courtesy of Lucifer.” 

Gabe was shocked. He knew Cas had scars but now he knew why. “Cas,” he breathed. “Well, are your accounts frozen yet?” 

Cas shook his head. “I'm surprised too. It won't be long now. I’ll have to get a job.”

“You're not clean enough to get a regular job. Hell, if you're not high, you're drunk.” Gabe shook his head. “No, you need a better plan. Transfer everything in your accounts to a clean one your brothers have no access to. Withdraw cash. Whatever you need to do. I can't help much because of my boss.” 

Cas was curious again. “Why does your boss have anything to do with this?”

“He controls my cut. If he raises prices, he gets more. I get punished if I try to raise prices,” Gabe stated plainly. 

“Punished?” Cas asked. 

“You don't want to know.” The light that usually lived in his eyes was gone for a moment. “He's not a good guy.”

This statement contradicted everything Cas knew about Dean. They were still keeping things from Gabe. Dean had left town weeks ago and was going to be gone for a few more weeks. Cas missed him. 

Dean texted him as much as he could. Cas was thrilled when he received a text saying that Dean would be returning to town for a few days. 

It took some time for him to do it. He swapped his money to a new account just like Gabe had suggested. This massive change had Lucifer calling him again. 

“Castiel, what the hell did you do?” Lucifer was beyond angry. 

“I'm finally protecting myself and standing up to you, Lucifer,” he said firmly. “You've never treated me like family so don't try to pull that shit.”

“We took care of you. We paid for your college which I found out that you failed the last semester because you were skipping classes.” Lucifer faked sounding concerned.

“What do you care? Mom and Dad are gone, Luce. What does it matter to you what I do?” he asked. 

“It matters because it's what mother wanted for you. I don't give a shit about your sorry ass.” He could hear the loathing in his voice. 

“You've always hated me. I could die, and you wouldn't care.” Cas hung up. He didn't wait for a response from his brother. “No one would,” he muttered to himself. 

He had a little bit of coke left and decided that was what he needed. He snorted it quickly and wished he had more. He searched his apartment to see if he had anything hidden away. He didn't find anything and called Gabe. 

“I need more. I'm out.”

“I just dropped off yesterday. Cas, is everything okay?” Gabe replied. 

“Yeah, I'm fine. See you at the bar,” he said. Cas went to the bar as soon as it opened and was drunk before Gabe got there. His high had worn off. 

“How much has he had?” Gabe asked the bartender. 

“Almost a whole bottle. Boy can drink,” the bartender replied. “Isn't that your junkie friend? What's he doing drinking?”

“That's what I want to know,” he said sourly. He found Cas as he began to climb the stairs. “I can't let you do that, buddy.” He grabbed Cas and turned him around. 

His blue eyes fell on someone right below him. “Turning away a customer, Gabe?” Dean looked past Cas. 

Gabe's grip on Cas’s shoulders tightened. “This one is my friend. He's blitzed out of his mind. I'm not letting him get high on top of that.” 

Dean stepped out of the way. Gabe pushed Cas past Dean. “Do what you want with me. I won't see him get hurt.” 

Dean looked at Cas. “He's cute. I want him.” He gave Gabe a challenging look. 

Gabe stepped between him and Cas. “No.”

Dean smirked. “Is Gabe in love again?” he taunted. “Uh, he's gone.” He pointed behind Gabe. 

Cas was back at the bar. Gabe saw someone hand him a joint. “Fuck!” He forced his way to the bar. He yelled at the guy with the joint, “Get that shit back upstairs!” Cas began to follow the guy. “Not you. Sit down.”

He forced Cas to sit on a bar stool. Dean watched curiously as Gabe checked Cas over. “Fuck, it was laced with something. Dammit, Cas! What did I tell you? Don't take anything from anyone but me.” Gabe knew he needed to watch Cas closely. 

Dean's phone buzzed. “Gabe, time to close up shop. The devil's on his way.” Gabe refused to leave Cas. “Close up shop. I've got your friend. Meet us at the safe house.”

“He's a junkie. He’ll hit withdrawal soon,” he tried not to sound frantic. “Dean, I can't lose him.” 

“We’ll talk about this later. Get what you need and meet us there.” Dean hoisted Cas off the stool and lead him to the door. 

Cas passed out against the leather interior of a black Impala.


	8. Chapter 8

Dean was terrified. Cas was still out. He paced around the small living room. He checked Cas’s forehead again. His fever was spiking. Dean grabbed a rag and a bowl of cool water. “You promised you wouldn't die,” he whispered. 

An hour later, the fever broke. Gabe arrived shortly after and freaked out seeing Cas on the couch passed out. Dean stopped him. “He’ll be fine, Gabe.”

Dean pulled Gabe into the other room in case Cas woke up. He didn't need to hear the conversation between them. 

“Honesty only, Gabe. Do you love him?” Dean asked. He hated to ask this question. 

Gabe shifted. “Like a brother. Dean, he's the only family I have left. Charlie…” His voice broke and he sounded unlike himself. 

Dean put a hand on his shoulder. “Good. Gabe, I know it wasn't you. Why was she burning your lab?” 

Gabe looked toward the room where Cas laid. “She wanted him clean and blamed me. She had every right to blame me.” His gaze fell to the floor. “I brought what he needs. Just make sure he takes it slow.”

Gabe handed him a bag and turned for the door. “Where are you going?” Dean asked. 

“This is your safe house. I fucked up and I know the rules. I don't get your protection.” Gabe was hurting. “I’ll go to mine until you give the word.”

“You're leaving him with me?” Dean hid every feeling he had. “Your junkie.”

“Cas. I'm leaving my friend with you.” He walked to the door. Cas stirred. “I'm sorry, Cas,” he whispered. 

“Gabe,” Cas’s voice stopped him. “Where-where are we?” 

“Sh, it's okay, Cas.” Gabe knelt on the floor beside him. “Dean will take care of you.” 

Cas didn't see Dean. “Gabe, what about you? Where are you going?”

Gabe smiled to hide how sad he was. “Don't worry about me, buddy.” He glanced up at Dean. “I’ll be back before you know it. Just feel better, okay?” 

Gabe left before Cas or Dean could see how upset he was. Gabe kicked the tires of his car. He had really fucked up this time. “Dammit, dammit, dammit.” 

“You're awake,” Dean stated the obvious. “How do you feel?”

Cas wasn't focused on himself. “Why did Gabe leave? Where am I?” 

“Safe house. Gabe lost rights to protection.” Dean was resolute. “You had me worried,” his voice softened. 

Cas stared at the door wishing his friend would come back. “It doesn't matter. Is he really going to come back?” 

“I didn't realize how close you two are.” Dean sat on the floor beside Cas. “He said you're like a brother to him. Is that true?”

Cas stared down at Dean. “He’s my only friend,” he admitted. 

“And me?” 

“What are you to me?” he asked quietly. “You asked me not to tell my best friend about you. Now, I'm on your couch and he just left.”

“We had to close the bar early. A very powerful person got wind of my operation and is hunting us down,” he said seriously. “Why did you drink so much?”

“I ran out of coke and Gabe wouldn't bring me more,” Cas said sourly. 

“Liar,” Dean said quietly. “Cas, the truth.”

Cas turned his back to him and muttered a “fuck you” beneath his breath. Dean covered him with a blanket. “Tell me when you're ready.” He heard Dean walk into another room and close the door. 

Cas slept for hours. He tossed the blanket down and then reached for it many times. He was shaking severely when Dean came in the room. Dean woke him. 

“Shit,” Cas muttered. “I don't have any.” He looked to Dean with bloodshot eyes. 

“Gabe left some for you. But you have to make it last, and we could be here for a while. I have a few beers and one bottle of whiskey. I'm not up here much.” Dean stood to get the drugs for Cas. 

Dean only gave him enough for two small lines. Cas greedily sniffed up the white powder. He sat back and his body stopped shaking. 

“Cas?” Dean was hesitant. “Why do you do drugs?”

“You said you wouldn't ask that again,” Cas retorted. 

Dean nodded. “I did. I did say that, but you almost died last night. I didn't tell Gabe because he was already so worried. He blames himself.”

“It doesn't matter.” 

“It does to me,” Dean replied. “It matters because you matter, Cas.”

Cas glared at him. “What am I to you?”

“The biggest risk I've ever taken,” Dean replied honestly. “I don't get attached because of my life. One night stands are it for me, until I met you. Sam thinks I'm crazy. He said I was going to get you killed.”

“It’d be the most interesting thing to ever happen to me.” Cas shrugged. His disinterest in his own death was evident. 

Dean laughed. “Man, you're dark.” 

Cas heard a buzzing noise and felt around for his phone. “Where's my phone?”

Dean grabbed it from the end table and saw a name on the screen. All of the blood left his face, leaving him looking paler than death. “Cas,” he said shakily. “What's your last name?”

Cas gave him a strange look. “Novak. Why? What's yours?” Cas found it strange that they’d known each other for a few months now and they were exchanging last names. 

“N-novak?” Dean still had the now silent phone in his hand. “Not like Lucifer Novak?”

“Yeah, that's my shit head brother.” Cas frowned. “Did that fucker call me again?” 

“Cas, what does your family do?” Dean looked scared. 

“My father was a businessman. My mother was too sick to work.” His eyes fell. “Why are we talking about my family, Dean?” He sounded hurt. 

Dean wanted to hold him but resisted. “Lucifer Novak runs an old crime family. He's the one chasing us. You didn't tell him about me, did you?” Dean stepped back. 

“No, my brother runs my father’s business. Father taught him to take over. Michael is a lawyer. I was supposed to be a lawyer too.” His gaze met the floor. “Why are we talking about this?” he asked softly. He was afraid if he spoke anymore that he would cry. 

Dean sat beside him. “Cas, I don't think you know the truth about your family. The Novaks are dangerous.”

“Gabe said the same about you. He warned me away from you,” Cas muttered. 

Dean blushed slightly. The color had returned to his face. “I'm glad you didn't listen.” He kept his eyes trained on the other man's face. “Lucifer Novak is known for torturing and killing those he hunts down. He runs a legal business to cover for his illegal business.”

“Lucifer is in Florida. He won't come here because I'm here.” Cas looked as if he’d been kicked. 

Dean touched his hand. “He did that to you? All those scars on your chest?” he asked softly. 

A tear threatened his dry visage. Cas nodded slowly. “Mother was too sick to catch him doing it. Father was never home.”

“Michael?” Dean prodded. 

“He and I never lived in the same house. He was in college when I was born.” Cas tried not to look at Dean. 

Dean put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close. “I'm sorry,” he whispered into his hair. 

“Don't be. Other people have it worse.” 

Dean knew that this was the same way Sam had felt when he contemplated suicide. Sam had said a lot of the same kinds of statements that Cas kept saying. “If he finds us, he’ll kill me,” Dean told Cas. 

“He’s been looking for a reason to kill me. Now that mother and father are both dead nothing is holding him back,” Cas admitted. 

“Why does he want you dead?” Dean tried to hide the fear and disgust in his voice. “I get why he wants me dead. I ripped him off on his money and stole some drugs from one of his warehouses.”

Cas sighed. “I'm not high enough for this conversation, Dean. Can we not talk?”

Cas was clearly depressed. Dean leaned back on the couch, pulling Cas with him. His head rested on Dean's chest and he breathed in his scent deeply. He had never noticed that Dean smelled like Old Spice body wash, not the old man smell, but the heavy musky outdoors scent. 

He relaxed more with each intake of the smell. “You smell nice,” he muttered. 

Dean ran his fingers through the dark hair. “You're relaxed. That's new.” He kissed the top of his head. 

“You're the only person who knows about my family, the stuff I told you.” Cas sighed. “That wasn't all of it. I had a sister. She died before I was born. Lucifer said that I was the replacement for the child they lost.” 

Dean kept his fingers in his hair and said nothing. He wanted Cas to open up to him. He wanted him to smile again. Cas had a beautiful smile. 

“She died in a car accident at four years old. Lucifer has always hated me. He's the reason I was bullied in school and never had any friends.” His grip on Dean's shirt tightened. His breathing grew rapid. 

Dean held him with both arms. “They can't hurt you anymore. You're with me now.” 

Cas began to sober up and realized what he’d revealed to Dean. “I shouldn't have told you any of that. No one else knows.”

“You mean Gabe?” Dean saw a hurt look in his blue eyes. “I sent word that Gabe is to be protected hours ago. I don't want to lose you because of something happening to him.”

Cas sat up. “Why do you care? He messed up and you punish. Why change your mind?”

“For you,” Dean replied. “I've never met anyone like you, Cas.”

“This isn't just about sex anymore.” Cas leaned back. “That wasn't the deal we had.”

“I'm pretty sure we broke that deal during that first week together,” Dean gave him a half smile. 

“Don't do that,” he said softly. “You know it's cute.” He dropped his gaze. He saw Dean's hand was on his. “Dean, I don't think we should do this.”

“Why not?” he asked. “You trust me.”

“That's why I can't be with you,” he breathed. Dean was close to him. He was closing the gap. “You’ll get hurt.”

“You could get hurt too. Let me protect you. Let me be with you.” He pressed his lips to Cas’s.


	9. Chapter 9

Cas fell into the bliss of his lips being crushed by the other pair. He moaned when he felt Dean's tongue. Dean leaned him back on the couch and straddled him, never leaving his lips. 

Cas gave in to Dean completely. He wrapped his arms around his neck, and Dean hooked an arm around his waist. Cas slowly let his hands wander. It had been nearly two months since they had seen each other. He teased Dean’s shirt up and over his head. Dean pressed his chest against the man beneath him. “Don't leave me, Castiel,” Dean pleaded softly, staring into his clear blue eyes. 

Cas found his words through his breathlessness. “I won't. Dean, I won't.” 

Dean smiled and kissed his neck. He marked Cas as his with his lips and teeth. Cas moaned beneath him begging him for more. “You like it rough?” Dean asked. Cas nodded, his eyes big with longing. 

Cas tried to lift his own shirt off, but Dean insisted on doing it. “Sexier when I do it,” he whispered as he kissed up the bare skin with each movement the shirt made. Cas gripped Dean's back and rocked his hips up into Dean who moaned. 

Dean grabbed his hair and curled his fingers in the locks tightly. He thrust his hips down to tease Cas. “More, Dean,” he whimpered. Slowly, Dean teased him out of his pants and stood holding them like a prize before dropping them on the floor. Cas stared at Dean who seemed to struggle with his own pants. Cas stood in front of him. He leaned in and his fingers undid the button his partner had struggled with. Dean nipped at his neck. 

With his pants now gone, Dean took the control back and lowered his head to his lover's waist. He teased him through the boxers, cupping his balls gently. Cas gasped. Cool air hit his now exposed hard member. Dean tongued around the base and licked the shaft, then smacked his ass firmly with the palm of his hand. Cas moaned loudly. “Oh, again,” he begged. Dean smacked the other cheek and let his tongue play with the tip. He licked the precome and moaned. 

“You still taste so fucking good,” he murmured before taking him in completely. He gripped the bare ass tightly for balance. Cas moaned and Dean sucked harder. Fingers dug into his shoulders and he bobbed his head faster along the shaft. He slowed his pace taking in as much as he could. 

“Oh, Dean,” Cas moaned. He shoved the shoulders back, forcing Dean off of him. “My turn.” He knelt and ripped the boxers from Dean. 

“Oh, Cas,” Dean moaned. He gripped the wall behind him for balance. “Oh fuck,” he breathed when Cas sucked harder. Dean tangled his fingers in his hair and thrust his hips lightly. “Fuck,” escaped his mouth. “Cas, I need to fuck you.” Cas didn't slow down. “Cas,” he cried out. 

Cas looked up with a teasing smile as he saw Dean's eyes close. “Come find me.” Cas ran to another room before Dean opened his eyes. 

This apartment was small and Dean knew it well. It was his first place on his own. Dean found Cas kneeling on the bed in the bedroom. He had found the lube Dean kept stashed in this apartment. 

He frowned. “No condoms?”

“Looks like you were out. I'm okay with that,” Cas smiled as he came toward him. He leaned up against Dean. “Fuck me,” he whispered. 

This was all Dean needed to hear. The animal in him broke free of his cage. He turned and lifted Cas, holding him against the wall. Their eyes met briefly before Dean spun Cas around to face the wall. “Don't come until I say so,” he whispered darkly in his ear. Cas shuddered. 

Dean pressed against Cas’s back and fingered his entrance. Cas squeezed his eyes shut. This angle wasn't the most pleasant yet. It became more pleasant with each finger. His palms were flat against the wall and Dean thrust himself in hard making Cas gasp. He moaned and rolled his hips back. Dean held one arm around his waist and his other hand flat against the wall. His rhythm was fast, hard, and rough. 

“Dean, fuck, fuck,” Cas moaned. Dean was covered in a thin sheet of sweat as he kept this rhythm. “Fuck me harder,” Cas begged. 

Dean removed his arm from the waist and put it on the wall for support as he thrust harder and harder. Cas was taken by surprise and his body collapsed against the wall. He pushed back not wanting to lose Dean. Dean used this moment to flip Cas back around and onto the bed. “Breathe,” he instructed. 

Cas nodded and tugged on Dean's shoulders. Dean leaned back and reinserted himself. “Cas, breathe, baby,” Dean said again. 

“Baby?” Cas asked still quite breathless. 

“Later, can you breathe?” Cas gave a faint nod. “Good.” Dean leaned forward and kissed him and began thrusting his hips again. 

Cas reached to dig his fingers into Dean's back but his hands were stopped by Dean's. Their fingers entwined as Dean kept rolling his hips into Cas. Cas moaned, “Dean.” 

“Say my name again. I love hearing it on your lips, Cas,” Dean whispered into his ear. Dean broke into a low moan, “Cas.”

“Oh fuck, Dean, Dean. Dean, I'm close,” he informed. “So close.”

Dean kissed him and tongued his mouth. Cas moaned. “Come in my hand,” he told Cas as he wrapped his hand around the shaft and pulled hard. Cas held him tightly. 

“Oh fuck, Dean, fuck,” he breathed. “Dean!” he shouted as he came in Dean's hand. He felt Dean come just a moment and few thrusts later. “You're amazing,” he breathed into his lover's face. 

Dean kissed him. “So are you, Cas.” An enamored look was reflected in his green eyes. He forced himself to get up and clean them up before it dried and left a mess. 

Cas paused before Dean returned to the bed. “You called me baby.”

“Yeah?” Dean stretched out beside him. 

“Why?” Cas asked. 

“You're mine, right?” Dean rolled on his side and faced him. “My Cas.”

Cas shivered. “Dean, won't that put you in danger?” He didn't want to admit belonging to someone felt amazing. Belonging anywhere felt good. But this man cared about him deeply. To Cas, that was the best feeling in the world. 

“What? Fucking the little brother of the most dangerous guy I know?” His green eyes raked over Cas. “Worth it.” 

“Just fucking?” Cas asked softly. 

“Saying how I feel won't matter, Cas. You can't truly reciprocate how I feel for you while there's another strong factor in your life.” Dean looked sad. “Drugs will always be more important than me to you.”

“No,” Cas said. He wanted his next words to be true. “All my life I’ve wanted to belong somewhere. I've wanted someone, anyone to care about me. You do.”

“What are you saying, Cas?” Dean was afraid to get his hopes up. He was afraid this was not what he wanted to hear. 

“Charlie was right. I'm hooked. So bad that I nearly died. Dean, help me quit,” he requested. “Help me quit.”

Dean kissed him happily. “Of course, baby.”


	10. Chapter 10

Five days in the safe house and Cas had cussed Dean out with every word he knew. Dean was undyingly patient. Cas had snorted the last of the coke on the third day there. He’d been given a smaller amount each time, but his body didn't see much of a difference. 

“Here, you need to eat, Cas,” Dean held a bowl up to him. “It's soup.”

“Fuck you, Dean,” he growled. He tried to move but he shook too much. Dean forced a spoonful of the warm liquid into his mouth. “What the hell is this garbage?” he asked sourly. 

“Soup, eat,” he said calmly. He never lost his temper and he never gave up. He was determined to get Cas clean. 

Gabe texted Dean. 

D: he's alive. Withdrawal.

G: I can bring more.

D: no, he wants to get clean. 

G: the devil's in town. Looking for you and Cas. It's bad. 

D: get out of there. Ban lifted. 

G: running or fighting?

D: give me a few more days. Gather supplies. Meet at the manor. 

Dean looked to Cas who was shaking and sweating. “Cas, your brother is looking for you,” he said quietly. “Do you want me to get a message to him?”

“Go to hell? Go die, Lucifer,” he muttered. “No, fuck him. He doesn't deserve to get to hear from me.”

“He's your brother, Cas.” 

“And he nearly killed me!” Cas shouted. “That's why I drank and smoked. That's why I took pills with it. I wanted to die.”

Dean's heart hurt. “Why?”

“Because fuck Lucifer! My whole life has been nothing but hell. What's the point?” he shook, but it was different than withdrawal. Cas was close to tears. “He doesn't give a shit about me.”

“Things are about to happen and he might die,” Dean said carefully. 

“Good riddance,” Cas turned away but not fast enough. Dean saw a tear slip from his eye. “Fuck him and fuck Michael too. I have no family.”

“What about Gabe?”

“He's probably dead or will be soon. If Lucifer finds him, he will be.” Cas’s face was a tragedy. 

“What about me?” Dean asked slowly. 

“I'm fucking a drug lord. Awesome. I'm in fucking love with a drug lord. Shit,” he added quickly after realizing what he’d just said. 

“Cas, it's okay, I know you didn't mean it,” Dean said quietly. 

Cas sat up and faced him. “I do mean it.” His body stopped shaking and his face was somber. “And that's what I'm afraid of most.”

Dean held his hands. “Why does that scare you?”

Cas had accepted that his brother was the worst monster on the planet. Hearing Dean be afraid of him confirmed everything he knew about Lucifer. “Because you're going to die. I won't. He wants me to be alive and miserable. Because if I love you and you die, I truly have no one and never will.” Tears invaded his eyes. “I don't want to love you. I want you to live.”

“You're so romantic,” Dean muttered. “I wanted to wait until you were clean. Cas, I love you too. I have since our first night together.” 

“Love at first fuck?” Cas snorted derisively. 

“No, meeting you made everything Charlie said come true. I wanted to know more about you the instant you kissed me. And I understood why she wanted you clean. Why do you think we only have sex when you're sober?” Dean smiled. 

“Because it's more fun?” Cas replied. 

“Because you open up afterwards. You talk to me. Trust me. I adore that about you.” He focused on his love. “Cas, if I die, I want to die knowing I told you that I love you.”

Cas began to cry. His control of his emotions was gone. “Don't die. Please, don't die,” he begged. Dean hugged him. 

“Sh, sh, sh,” he hushed. “We'll fight him. I won't let him take you from me or me from you. He might die, Cas. Can you live with that?” 

Cas swallowed. “Yes.”


	11. Chapter 11

Gabe gave the safe word. Finally, Dean and Cas could leave the small apartment. Cas was still teetering on the edge of withdrawal, but he would be fine if he didn't see any drugs. 

Cas finally was able to charge his long dead phone and saw a bunch of missed calls from both of his brothers. He decided to call Michael. 

“Did you know?” he asked harshly. 

“Cas, you're going to need to be more specific. I'm a lawyer. I know many things,” Michael replied promptly. 

“Did you know our family sells drugs? Lucifer and father,” he emphasized. 

“Oh, that. Excuse me,” he said to someone else. Cas heard him ask not to be bothered and a door close. “Yes, I knew. That's why I convinced mother to send you away.”

“What are you talking about?” He asked angrily. 

“Cas, the last thing mother needed was to lose her precious baby to our father and his schemes. She couldn't handle that loss again. It didn't matter, did it? She still died,” he could hear the sadness in his oldest brother’s voice. 

“What do you mean again?” Cas demanded. “Anna was killed in a car accident.”

“Who was driving?” Michael asked. “Father was making a run, but no one was available to watch Anna.” 

“Why didn't anyone tell me?” His heart broke. 

“Lucifer was half right. You were treated as a replacement for Anna, but the truth is mother was already pregnant with you. No one knew yet, not even mother.” Michael was being kind. “Where's our brother, Cas?”

Cas hesitated. “It's a long story, Michael. He's going to kill me and my boyfriend,” he added quietly. 

“You’re gay?” There was a pause and then Michael’s temper exploded. “Why did you say that? Plausible deniability, you moron!”

“Michael, Lucifer wants me and my boyfriend and my best friend all dead. He would have killed me years ago if it hadn't been for mother. He practiced on me what he now does to others.” Cas was determined and dark. “Don't represent him when he gets caught.”

“Castiel, don't. I hear that tone all the time. Don't kill our brother,” Michael begged. “Don't destroy our family.”

“What family? None of you ever treated me like family. If Lucifer tries to kill me or my boyfriend, he dies. I will kill him.” He paused a moment. “This is the last time you’ll hear from me.” He hung up.

Dean held his hand as he drove. “Feel better, baby?” 

Cas looked at Dean. “We kill Lucifer, or we die trying.” Dean nodded. 

Gabe dropped what he was holding when he saw Cas. He ran forward to hug his friend. “I thought you were dead for sure,” he squeezed his friend. 

“Will be if you keep squeezing,” he gasped. “Gabe, how long did you know about my family?”

Gabe looked small. “Since I found out your last name. Charlie helped me hack your student records.” 

Dean had disappeared to help the others. “Who are all these people?”

Gabe looked around. “They work for Dean. I'm sorry, Cas. I put you in danger.”

“Lucifer is my brother, Gabe. I was always in danger,” he said dully. “He wants me dead.” 

“Not going to happen.”

“He wants Dean dead,” Cas informed. 

“He’ll be fine. He's got an army. Don't look at me like that. I'll be fine too.” Gabe tried to smile. 

“Don't fake it, Gabe,” he said. He shifted. “I'm clean.” 

Gabe’s face lit up brightly. His eyes crinkled in happiness. “Good. I should have listened to Charlie.”

“Don't blame yourself. I was looking for a way to cope for a long time. Drugs and booze and sex. It was fun, but it became more than that,” he admitted. “You showed me how to have fun. I took it to another level.”

Cas’s eyes landed on Dean. He didn't realize he was staring until Gabe followed his gaze and pushed him. “Dude, no,” he whispered. “I told you.”

“He's dangerous, yeah.” Cas’s eyes softened. 

“Oh my god,” Gabe breathed. “What the hell happened over the last week and a half?”

“It's been longer than that,” Cas smiled. “That night I bumped into him? That week I was out every night?” His smile grew bigger.

“Are you seriously fucking my boss?” Gabe tried to keep his voice down. “Are you kidding me? Please say this is a joke.”

Cas looked at Gabe. “I love him.” 

“Holy fuck.” He stared at Cas. “You really do. Cas, you don't know him.”

“Yes, I do. He puts on a front for all of you.” Cas returned from his love drunk gaze. “He does it to protect all of you. All of these people here, he cares about. He doesn't show it so none of you die.”

“Cas, loving him is more dangerous than he could ever be.” Gabe stared at his friend. “It’ll make losing him worse than you’ll ever know.” 

Cas saw the look of pain on his friend’s face. “That sounds like you've been in my shoes. Who did you love, Gabe?” 

“His brother Sam,” he said softly. “But Sam got out.”

“So you should too. Get out and be with him,” Cas suggested.

His golden brown gaze fell to the ground. “I can't. He's engaged. I won't destroy his happiness.”

“Gabe, Cas!” Dean called. They walked over to the leader. “You two aren't coming. Pack your shit. Gabe, safe house three.”

“No,” Cas said defiantly. He was loud enough it got the attention of some of the others. “I'm not leaving you.”

Dean glared at him. He looked to Gabe. “Get him out of here.”

Gabe grabbed his arm, and Cas punched him. “I said I'm not leaving. I want Lucifer dead more than any of you here.”

“Cas, this isn't an option. I can't fight if I'm worried about you. You're not trained,” he said quietly. “I won't let you die.”

“Teach me to shoot.” He saw the guns on the tables. 

“Cas, we should do as he says.” Gabe tugged on his arm and received another punch. “Yep, staying out of it.”

“Gabe, Sam called. You're going home.” 

Gabe's eyes grew large and wet. “What?” he breathed. “S-sam?”

Dean nodded. “Go.” Gabe was so stunned he couldn't move. “If you don't go, you teach Cas to shoot.”

Gabe moved like a zombie. He zoned out completely as he grabbed a gun and practice rounds. He walked to the basement that had been modified to be a gun range. Cas grabbed his arm. 

“What did he mean?” he asked. 

“Sam wants me,” he breathed. “After all this time, I broke his heart,” he stammered. “Cas, why does he want me?”

“He loves you, Gabe. Love makes us stupid.” Cas smiled and lifted his weapon.


	12. Chapter 12

Gabe taught Cas to shoot, and when he was comfortable that Cas could hit a target, they stopped practicing. “Think you can hit a moving target?”

“I hope so.”

“Think you can actually kill someone?” Gabe asked.

Cas looked at him. “I just want to kill Lucifer.”

“He’ll be guarded. What about guards?” Gabe asked. He was preparing his friend for war. 

“I’ll shoot whoever if they shoot at me.” Or Dean, he added silently. “You should go to Sam.”

Gabe shook his head. “And let you have all the fun? No way.” 

Cas stared at him blankly. “Gabe, you should go. Be with Sam before it's too late.” 

“Let's go upstairs.” Gabe nodded. 

Dean looked like a general ready for war. He sat on the front steps of the manor. Cas stepped into his view and he frowned. “I don't want you to be around when the shooting starts,” Dean said. “Please, Cas.”

“You can't make me leave. He threatened you and Gabe. I won't let him take you from me,” Cas said firmly. “I belong here.” He hoped Dean would understand what he meant. 

“Gabe, I have a car waiting for you. It's clean. Take it. Tell my brother I love him,” he grimaced. 

“If I leave now, I'll only put Sam at risk. Lucifer won't stop until we're dead.” Gabe shook his head. 

A twig snapped and caught their attention. Dean and Cas raised their guns quickly. Cas looked as if he’d been doing this his whole life. A tall broad-shouldered man came into view. Dean swore, “Sonofabitch.”


	13. Chapter 13

Gabe ran towards the man. “What are you doing here?”

He smiled. “Came to get you.” He leaned down and kissed Gabe. 

Dean lowered his gun and Cas followed. Cas was staring at the kissing men. “Don't stare, babe,” Dean turned him to face away. “It's not the happy reunion it looks like,” he added in a low voice. 

“Sam?” Cas asked.

Dean nodded. “He wouldn't take no for answer when I told him shit was going down. He knew Gabe wouldn't leave. They're saying goodbye.” He gave Cas a somber look. “This is why I wanted you to leave. So we don't have to say goodbye.” 

Cas slipped his hand into Dean's. “So we don't. We don't say it. We’ll make it through this.” 

Sam and Gabe approached them. “Dean, I…” Sam saw his brother's hand. “Dean,” he stared at the hands. 

“Sam,” Dean gave him a challenging look. “This is Cas.” 

Sam raised an eyebrow at Cas. “You, with me, now.” He pushed Cas away from Dean and Gabe held Dean back. 

“Dean, stop. He doesn't know,” Gabe whispered in Dean's ear. 

Sam pushed Cas inside the manor and directed him to an empty room. “Sam, what's going on?” Cas asked nervously. 

“I know who you are. I saw you at Charlie’s funeral. Novak. You lead Lucifer to him!” Sam accused. 

“No, Sam, I didn't. Dean saved me from myself.” His eyes fell. “I’ll do anything to protect him.”

“Shit!” Sam growled. “Get the hell out of here.”

Cas stood his ground. “No. I won't leave him.” He watched the tall man. “Just the same as you won't leave Gabe.”

“You're wrong,” he dropped his voice. “I did leave him.” 

“But you came back.” Cas caught his attention. Sam looked like he was fighting tears. “He loves you. He would die for you.” 

“I don't want him to. I told him he had to choose!” Sam was angry. “Me or this life.”

“He was marked, Sam. He stayed so you could get out,” Cas said quietly. 

Sam stared at him briefly before quickly running from the room. “Gabe!” he heard him shout. 

Cas made his way back to the front yard of the manor. He sat beside Dean who was watching his brother attack Gabe with kisses. “Get a room, you two!” Dean shouted. He turned to Cas. “What did you say to him?”

“The truth,” he smiled at Dean. “When this is over, where do you want to go?”

“Don't do that. Don't plan a future,” he looked sad. “Cas,” he began. 

Cas interrupted him with a kiss. “I want a future with you, Dean.” 

Gabe and Sam had moved inside. Dean could hear them bumping against the old furniture in Sam's room. “I should have soundproofed this house when I bought it.” 

Cas laughed. His laugh made Dean smile. “I love your laugh,” he said. 

A sly grin crossed Cas’s face. “Want to go see who can be louder? Us or them?”

Dean pulled him in for a kiss. “I love you.” Cas molded to him. “Let's...Cas?” His toned changed. He was frightened. Blood stained Cas’s shirt. “Cas?!” His voice echoed around the yard.


	14. Chapter 14

Dean carried Cas inside and put him on a cleared table. “Sam! Gabe!” he shouted. Everyone in the house became alert. “Weapons up!” Dean remembered he was in command. 

Sam and Gabe came stumbling down the stairs. Gabe was tugging his shirt back on, and Sam was buttoning his pants. “Cas! No,” Gabe raced forward brushing past Sam. “No, no, no. Dean?” 

Dean blinked back the tears. “We’re under attack,” he kept his voice even. “Who’s our medic?” 

Gabe called for Ellen, the bartender. “What the hell?” she said as she came forward. “The junkie from the bar?” 

“Just do it, Ellen. Save him,” Gabe commanded. 

She set to work, and moments later she was stitching Cas up. “It's not too bad. But I can't give him anything for the pain,” she reported moments later. “Here's the bullet.” 

Gabe turned to Dean. “Why haven't they shot again?” 

“He’s making it personal.” Dean clenched his fist. “He wants to draw us out.” 

“What do we do?” Gabe asked. 

“We stay here. We have the advantage here,” he said. 

Sam joined Gabe and whispered in his ear. “Stay away from the windows.”

Gabe looked up at Sam. “They shot Cas, Sammy. They shot my brother.” Tears threatened his eyes. He tried to stay strong. “I’ll kill them all.”

“Easy, Gabe.” Sam hugged him. He kissed the top of his head. 

A bullet broke through the door. “No one move,” Dean said calmly. “Warning shot.” He pointed to one of his men who sent a bullet speeding forward. 

“I know you're in there, Dean Winchester!” The voice was loud and sing-songy. “You should have taken my invitation!”

“What? I can't hear you! You should come in and we can talk!” Dean taunted back. 

Another few bullets peppered the front of the house. Dean called for his men to fire back. Sam covered Gabe and turned him away from the splintering wood. Dean stood in front of Cas who was lying on the table. 

The gunfire ceased. Dean held his hand up for his men to stop. “You going to come in and handle this like businessmen?” Dean shouted. 

Dean watched as men fell from their spots near the windows. “Sniper,” he called. “Take cover.” 

He shot Sam a look. They used the remaining tables to bar the door. This created a little cover for the open foyer style room. “Ellen, can we move him?” 

“It's not smart, but yeah, we can get him some cover,” she replied. Gabe helped her move Cas to sit against a wall and put the bloody table in front of him. 

Dean heard a few more thuds and knew he was down more men. “Sam, how many we got left?” he asked quietly. 

Sam held up five fingers. “Not including us or Gabe,” he added.

An explosion rocked the east end of the house. Dean heard three distinct screams. Two left. “Lucifer, come down and we can talk about this!” 

Lucifer sauntered into view. “I like my odds now.” He turned to face his sniper. “I've got it now.” He saluted. 

Dean opened the front doors, but he left the tables up. “Tsk, tsk, you don't trust me, Dean?” 

“Not a chance in hell,” he smirked back. “Not after what you’ve done to my family.”

“Which time?” Lucifer looked like he relished the evil he doled out. Dean frowned. Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Give me my brother and we’ll call it even.”

“No, you killed my sister. You killed Charlie.” Dean was angry. 

“So you're going to kill my brother?” Lucifer pouted. “Don't have all the fun without me, Dean.”

“Cas isn't going to die,” Dean said firmly. “You want me dead, fine. Don't touch anyone else here.”


	15. Chapter 15

“No!” Sam couldn't hold back. 

Lucifer grinned devilishly. “Sam! I am so glad to see you.” His eyes flicked over to Gabe. He laughed. “Don't tell me. That is your new plaything?”

Sam stood in front of Gabe. He glared at Lucifer. “Dean, get Cas out of here.” 

Lucifer grinned. “Oh, Sam. You want to spend time with me again? Like we did, how long has it been?”

Sam growled. “Four years ago.”

Gabe clutched Sam's shirt. This was a sign to Sam that Gabe was okay and he wasn't going to let Lucifer hurt him. 

A small groan from across the room got everyone’s attention. Dean paled when he saw Cas standing in the open. He saw him sway and moved quickly to catch him. 

“Are you kidding me?” Lucifer laughed maniacally. “Oh, Cas, just when I thought you couldn't get any lower.”

“Leave my family alone, Lucifer,” Cas said. 

Lucifer looked at him questioningly. “Baby brother, I am your family.” 

Someone took the chance and shot Lucifer. They missed a kill shot and Lucifer’s eyes turned red with rage. He shot the two remaining men and turned the gun on Sam who was still protecting Gabe. “No, you like to take your time with me. You get off carving me up like an animal,” Sam said quietly. “So be a man and do it.”

Lucifer stared and for a brief second he was still. Then in a flash he threw a knife which landed in Sam’s side. Sam stumbled back, but he remained standing. 

“Not my brother!” Dean charged Lucifer and knocked the gun from his hand. Lucifer struggled beneath him. Dean punched him repeatedly. It looked as if Dean would win until a flash of metal crossed his chest. He fell backwards.

“No!” Cas shouted. “Luce, this is between you and me! Leave them out of this!”

Lucifer’s mouth twitched up in a slow smile. “I always hated you. You replaced our sister. But that's not why I hated you. I hated you because father chose you to take over the business. When he saw how weak you are, he chose me. I'm a last resort. It was demeaning,” he spoke as he made his way over to Cas. 

Cas stood as tall as he could. “Michael wanted to protect you for mother's sake. So when I killed her, he had no reason left to care about you, no reason to protect you.” 

Cas felt his blood boil. “You what?” His words were barely a whisper. 

The most evil of smiles danced on this cruel man's face. “I killed mother, much like I did precious little Anna. She was my first kill. Father would never reach the emergency room in time to save her. So Michael doesn't know either?” His eyes glinted in delight. 

“She died in a car accident.”

“That was the cover story. Father couldn't exactly go around saying his baby girl died because she took illegal pills. Please, he'd have gotten arrested.” Lucifer circled Cas like a predator circles his prey. “Yes, I gave her LSD, a lethal dose. I was only six but I had been following father closely. She was far stronger than you ever were. Father was going to give the family business away because of that little brat.”

Tears silently carved a trail down Castiel's face. “She was four, you monster!” 

“Yeah, I tried to kill you when you were a baby, but father caught me,” Lucifer admitted. “Sent me to boarding school for a couple years.”

Dean sat up and held his chest. Cas could see a scarlet ribbon decorating his torso. Cas shook his head telling Dean not to move. 

“That's cute. Protecting your boyfriend. Tell me, Cas, did you know you were banging a drug kingpin?” Lucifer sneered. He grabbed Cas by the hair and forced him to look at Dean. 

“Yes.”

Lucifer threw him to the ground and kicked him hard enough he caught air. Dean tried to move. “Uh-uh,” Lucifer wagged a finger at Dean. “There might be four of you, but I'm still a better shot.” He pulled a small gun from an ankle holster. “Stay down,” he commanded Dean.

Cas lunged and reached for the gun. Lucifer struggled with Cas for the weapon. A shot rang out.


	16. Chapter 16

“Cas!” Dean shouted. 

Cas saw Dean. He had a gun in his hand. Cas fell to the floor, but Lucifer came with him. Cas rolled him over on his back and let a few punches loose before Lucifer threw him across the room. Another shot rang out and Lucifer crumpled to the ground. Dean scrambled across the room to Lucifer. 

“He’s dead!” 

“Gabe? Gabe?” Sam's voice was shaking. He was holding his love in his arms and sobbing. “Don't leave me,” he begged. He tangled his fingers in Gabe’s hair. 

Dean crawled to Cas and collapsed. “Is Ellen still alive?” he heard his brother ask. 

“Yeah, Sam, I'm right here. Oh, Gabriel!” She gasped. Sam laid him carefully on the floor. The stray bullet from the gun had pierced his shoulder and appeared really close to his heart. “Sam,” she shook her voice back into control. “Upstairs, there's more supplies. Get them, fast.”

Sam raced to find what she needed. Cas sat up against the wall he’d landed against. “Is he dead?” His voice was quiet but seemed to echo in the large room. 

“Not yet, but he will be soon if I can't get the bullet out.” She worked quickly. 

Cas let his eyes fall on Dean who was now struggling to breathe. Cas held his hand and pulled him to a sitting position. It helped ease his airway. “Don't leave me,” he whispered in Dean's ear. 

“Kansas,” Dean whispered. “Let's go to Kansas. Somewhere no one knows who we are.” 

“Sure, baby,” Cas kissed his head. “We’ll go to Kansas.” He didn't say anything about his wound having reopened. He didn't say anything about how badly he was hurting. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall.

Ellen worked quickly to save Gabe. Sam paced and did everything she asked. She had him check on Dean and Cas who had both passed out from pain. “Just make sure they’re breathing.” 

Ellen finished working on Gabe. Sam ran to him when he heard Gabe gasp. “It's a knee jerk reaction, Sam. His body is still fighting,” she said. She moved to check Dean and Cas. “Sam, the kit.” 

Sam handed her the medical supplies and began to wonder how she knew all this. Ellen began talking. “I was an army medic before I was a bartender. I've been in this game longer than you’ve been alive, kid.” 

Cas’s eyes fluttered open. “Dean,” he murmured. His eyes fluttered shut again. Ellen stitched his wound back up and swore. 

Dean was cut badly but not terribly deep across his torso. The cut started from his right side by his hip bone and traveled across him to his left shoulder. Ellen stitched him up and wrapped him in gauze from hip to shoulder. “I'm surprised he had this much equipment on hand. All three of them would have died without it,” she said turning to Sam. 

Sam nodded and stared sadly at his brother. “You got out, Sam. Why did you come back?” 

Sam looked from Dean to Gabe. “For them. Someone has to take care of them.” He gave a sad smile. “We’re not coming back, Ellen.”

“Well, I guess it's a good thing I know how to bartend,” she smirked. “You think I'm letting you boys leave on your own? Hell no. Like you said, someone has to look out for you.”

Sam smiled. “You don't have to do that. I know your daughter must miss you.”

“Jo is fine.” She looked back at Dean who was waking up. “Stay down, Dean.”

Dean didn't listen. “Cas,” he grabbed his hand and felt a pulse. He looked to Ellen. “Thank you.” 

“Gabe owes me,” she shrugged. 

“We can pay you,” Dean said as he stood. “Might take me a few days to get the money together.”

“Kid, don't worry about it. Just don't die and we’ll call it even.” She smiled. 

Cas stirred and woke up. “Ow,” he muttered. His good arm touched his head. “Great,” he said quietly. Dean crouched in front of him. “New scars.”

Dean smiled. “Yeah, new scars.”


	17. Chapter 17

Dean and Cas told Sam their plans to move. Sam agreed. Gabe woke up and immediately looked for Sam. “Sammy, is he dead?” 

“Yeah, we’re safe. You're safe, Gabe,” Sam said, kissing his forehead. “You scared me.”

“Payback’s a bitch,” he grinned. “Don't leave me ever again.” 

“Are they always this disgusting?” Cas asked. Dean nodded and turned away. 

“Meet us there, Sam,” Dean said. “We’ll figure out money later.” His eyes fell. 

Cas looked to Gabe. “Still have my key?” Gabe fished around in his pocket and held up a small silver key. Cas looked back at Dean. “Don't worry about money. I took what I could from my accounts Lucifer controlled before he froze my assets.” A sly smile played on his lips. “Gabe might have raided a secret stash and put it in my safety deposit box. Oh, not under Novak.”

Dean kissed him. “You're so devious.”

He took the key from Gabe and lead Cas out the front of the manor. As they walked they saw Lucifer’s men on the ground, dead. The house had been surrounded. Cas saw a small metal object lying next to the sniper. He picked it up. 

“What's that?” Dean asked. 

“A message. It's the Catholic symbol for Saint Michael. He's the archangel of soldiers and law enforcement.” He fingered the small medallion. He took his phone out and found it was only cracked a little. 

“Since you're calling me, Lucifer is dead,” the voice on the other end spoke. “Cas, he told me everything. Mother, Anna, your friend.”

“How did you know where to find us?” he asked. 

“Did you really think I wasn't keeping tabs? My name may not be Novak, but I'm still part of this family. Gabe stole your phone weeks ago when you were high. He got my number and called me. He told me about Lucifer.” Cas could hear the engine of a car speeding down a road. 

“You did this?” 

“Plausible deniability, Castiel. I knew you would never speak to me again. I left the medallion like when you were young.” Michael sounded different. “Don't use the name Novak anymore. It's too dangerous for you.” 

“Since when do you care?” he asked quietly. “You let him do unspeakable things to this family.”

“I should have stopped him. I tried a few times. When he killed father, I took a side, yours.” Cas could hear the regret in his voice. “I'm sorry, Cas. I was never your brother. I can't be now for your protection.”

“Michael, I…” he glanced back at the house and saw Sam and Gabe pouring gasoline everywhere. “There won't be a body to bury.”

“They’ll come for you. You're next in line. Change your name and disappear. Don't call again. I’ll report you both as dead.” Michael hung up. 

Dean held Cas as tears ran down his face. “He did love you,” Dean said what Cas was thinking. Cas nodded into his chest. 

When he could speak again, he said, “I can't go by Novak anymore.”

Dean shook his head. “What will you go by?”

Cas thought for a moment. “Shurley.”

Dean wrinkled his nose and raised his eyebrows. “Shurley? Castiel Shurley? That's awful!” 

“It was my mother's maiden name,” he sighed. 

Dean frowned. “Please tell me it wasn't Lucinda Shurley, the notorious drug princess who married into the mafia?”

“Yeah, I guess that was her. She was always really sick. Now I know Lucifer was poisoning her for years,” he looked sad. “She loved me when her brain worked right.”

“Yeah, but that name isn't safe either.” Dean held his hand. “W-what about Winchester?” he asked nervously.

“Dean, I can't be passed off as your brother. We wouldn't be able to be together,” Cas looked at Dean who was now on one knee. “Uh.”

“Yes is usually the word people say,” Dean said mocking the first time they’d spoken. 

They heard the house crackle as it went up in flames. Sam and Gabe approached and saw Dean on his knee. They dropped their jaws. Cas was focused on Dean. “Dean, we haven't been together long,” Cas replied. 

“You took a bullet for me. If that isn't love, I don't know what is,” Dean said. “Let's run away together.” 

Cas pulled him to his feet and kissed him. “Castiel Winchester has a nice ring to it.”


End file.
